A blog by a very brave follower...
Updated: May 18, 2021
We at The Conscious Equestrian want to hear and share your stories. One thing I've learned in abundance over the last week, is that you can never fully know what someone has been through/is going through. I have read some stories about horrific suffering, and incredible journeys through recovery - thank you ALL for trusting us enough to send them.
One follower who reached out wanted us to share her story, so here it is. I think you'll all agree how unbelievably brave she is.
I have taken the decision to put my brave pants on as I have been inspired by other riders I follow on Instagram! I want to try and fully explain my story and feel that mental health awareness week/month is the best time to do this.
I have CPTSD ( complex post traumatic stress disorder). I was sexually abused as a child. I managed as many do to bury this deep inside my mind until I had a trigger. Since that day my life has changed. I lost friends, I lost my marriage and at times I have been so unwell I haven’t been able to be a mum to my children. I highly function so from the outside people think I am fine but inside I am on high alert all of the time! I have been treated with such disregard and ignorance because of this.
I have been to rock bottom but the things that keep me going are my animals. My mind works at a million miles per hour, always looking for danger, it’s how I am
set however the moment I am around Woody and Buzz that has to change. They are so intuitive, they know when I am having a bad day. Woody rides completed differently when I need looking after. Buzz is the most loving foal and when I need a good cry is always there to stand or sit with me.
Traumatic experiences can be anything and can affect the mind in so many ways. For me, I struggle with nightmares and flashbacks, panic attacks and a horrible condition that means my body just shuts down because of the overload. The stigma surrounding mental health as a whole worries me. We all have mental health, sometimes it is something we struggle with and sometimes it’s all ok.
There are many sayings that go with mental health a few I don’t believe to be fully true yet (however should be):
ITS OK TO NOT BE OK! This isn’t the case I find, people don’t understand someone that isn’t ok still managing to function!
IN A WORLD WHERE YOU CAN BE ANYTHING BE KIND! This needs to be the case, no one has any idea what to person sitting next to you, walking passed you or riding with you is going through!
We are blessed with the NHS, however funding for mental health services has been cut. The demand is greater than what is available. I currently have to pay for private therapy as it’s the only way I can start the long road to recovery! Please everyone think before you speak, listen before you act and take care of yourself as well as those around you! I have teamed up with a new amazing company - The Conscious Equestrian - to start a change.
I know this has been a long post and I am so grateful to those that have read it!
Enough is enough. Mental health is just as important as physical health and we all need to start to treat it like that! Thank you all for your continued support!
Have you got a story you'd like to share? Send it to us, and we can share anonymously.
Our email is email@example.com and we'll pop it on our blog.